


Changing of the Seasons

by Ene_Cybergirl



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Child Abuse, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-05-15 19:52:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5797624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ene_Cybergirl/pseuds/Ene_Cybergirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From birth till death, he would always be trapped within an eternal slumber of misery and pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Birth

**Author's Note:**

> My first Tokyo ghoul fanfiction, enjoy!

The newborns cries resonated through the hospital walls, the exhausted mother frowned and the young doctor smiled. "Congratulations, it's a boy", Dr Kanou handed over the wriggling child, the mother simply stared down at it, eyes wide with anxiety and the blossoming of hatred. A white towel was wrapped around the baby's tiny frame, innocence stained by the blood of his mother: screaming from the start. 

Twenty-four hours later and the baby meets it's first sight of the outside world, now the mother is accompanied by the father, she smiles softly clinging onto the thin cotton sheet her child was wrapped tightly in, it continued to scream. His father stared down with a worried expression painted on his pale face, he knew something had changed within the woman and no smile could conceal the branches of destruction spreading like a virus through her heart. 

After the first week she knew had to change something, the constant screaming at every hour gave her headaches and made her body ache. The stupid man was forever locked away in his study doing something she'd never be aloud to know, he hadn't helped her at all. No matter what she tried the small devil wouldn't stop crying, it had been named Kaneki Ken and she had tried to love him, she really had. Her hatred for Kaneki only grew as the days passed, but days turned to months and months to seasons and soon spring was blooming, it was meant to be a time of rebirth and joy but for mother and child it was just a further spiral into depression and despair. 

The cherry blossoms were stained black in her mind.

Spring evolved again to Summer and finally things appeared to change, Kaneki's father finally left the forbidden study and began to help his wife raise the now six month old, trapped in a delusion of hope and happiness she failed to see the strangeness about him. The way he would avoid so many places and how he would always rush them past anyone who might recognize him, but for them it didn't matter. Kaneki could finally have a family and the mother could finally be free.

Haise Sasaki's cries resonated through the hospital walls.


	2. Hidden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The marigolds lay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thankyou so much for all the kudos and views.  
> Feel free to comment if you enjoy!

The golden Marigold flower swayed gently in the wind, it lay outside the house, a symbol of what was within.

At eight months old now, Kaneki Ken was crawling everywhere, his mother had returned to her small job and the father was once again locked away in the study. On a few occasions the child had attempted to get into the room but the loud bangs that seeped through the walls scared him away. The only times he would see his father would be when his mother was working but even then the man remained distant, wearing dark glasses at all times.

One thing that was constant in the boys life was the restrictions to the dark, he would leave the house with his mother once a day but these trips out were short and filled with an anxiety that would stay forever. The summer was hot, it seemed to last forever, but the signal it was ending was when like everything, the flowers died. Such delicate beauty, wilted and destroyed with just one small change. 

A big change in a family is a small change in a world, people come and go with the seasons just the like the flowers. As Autumn leaves glided to the ground the father disappeared, he left silently in the night taking everything but the books from his study. The room was now open but the walls were cracked and blood stricken, still Kaneki was not aloud near it. His mother had to give up her job, not that she would have gone anyway: the mother and the father had disappeared. She blamed the man's leaving on the child, if he hadn't been born they could have been happy, she would tell Kaneki. 

His crawling turned to walking and soon he was a year old, then two, three and four. Throughout these years his father had come and gone like the wind, for the summer he would be there then as Winter came he would be gone again, but when Kaneki was four and Summer came, his father didn't. 

The golden Marigold flower swayed gently in the wind, it lay outside the hospital, a symbol of what was within.

At twenty-two years old now, Haise Sasaki was lost once again.


	3. Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rather than being a person who hurts others, become the person being hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to put a small trigger warning here relating to child abuse,

A golden leaf drifted to the mud, crushed under the weight of death.

The house was dark. A child's curiosity that was once painted across the walls was now buried deep in the abandoned garden. Kaneki Ken sat quietly reading in the tight refines of his room, it was a small room now, the walls painted a bright white to cover the darkness within. Across the largest wall was a bookshelf, filled to the edge, a whole new galaxy beneath each cover. He was only six but he still treated each book as though it were a different soul, something to be held gently and preserved. The child couldn't actually read the books yet but the swirling words on each page intrigued him, on her good days, his mother would help him learn some of them. 

Once a week a woman would come, she would sit in the living room with his mother and talk for about an hour and every time she left she'd be clasping onto a white envelop, every time it seemed to get bigger. 

As spring returned to his life, he was presented with a new challenge, he was told he would be starting school. Immediately fear blinded the child, he had only very rarely left the safety of the home and the thought of being surrounded by other children was mortifying. His mother said he'd be okay, she said she'd still be here when he returned, but somehow he always had doubt. The day he started school she was to be starting another new job, now she'd be doing two jobs and the woman was still coming.

They walked up to the school's entrance hand in hand, Kaneki was pale but still excited. The idea of school had become more familiar to him after he understood it would help him read more books. Kaneki's mother embraced him and he smiled, her warmth melted his worries and comforted him only in a way a mother could. There was something strange about the embrace though, he was used to feeling pain when she would touch him. But that had been when he'd spoken out of place, it's not her fault.

He walked quickly past the flowers blooming at the sides of the past with a small smile on his face, crowds of children- mostly bigger than him- also rushed into the school but one boy stuck out to him like no other. The boy with the bright, orange hair. 

Haise Sasaki stared out the windows, begging for some form of release. He could see a school in the distance, swallowed up by the shades of orange and red that only fell at that time of the year. Two compelling forces flipped between pages in the book of his memories but no one could take full control.

He watched a golden leaf drift to the mud, crushed under the weight of death.


	4. Orbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moon needs the sun to shine just as boy needs him to survive.

A blissful ray of sunshine spread across Kaneki's life, it wasn't in the form he'd ever expect though: no, his sunshine came in the form of a boy named Hide.

It began on the first day of school with subtle glances across the classroom, the black haired boy had uncomfortably positioned himself in the corner reading the books the school offered, they were hardly interesting though and far too easy. A boy with hair brighter than the Marigolds that bloomed outside Kaneki's house had taken a particular liking to him, he would constantly catch him staring in his direction and soon the eager child had seated himself in front of the shy boy.

Kaneki decided to pretend he hadn't seen the other boy and buried his head further into the book, "Don't speak unless you're spoken to" was something his mother had often reminded him so he didn't see any reason why that rule wouldn't apply there. 

"Hello! Are you okay there buddy? You look sad! I'm Hide." His first words to Kaneki revealed his personality very much matched the bright orange shade of his hair and jacket, but it didn't fill Kaneki with joy to hear him speak, it actually terrified him. 

A meek "Hello" slipped out of his mouth and a smile as small as his figure snuck upon his face. The vibrant boy didn't seem to understand Kaneki wanted to be left alone as he remained by his side, it wasn't just for that day however, he seemed to be permanently set on staying with the boy for as long as he could. 

Days slipped through Kaneki's fingers at a pace he'd never be able to keep up with. Everything had changed while nothing was changing at all. His mother's eyes were sunken and decorated with bags, whenever she wasn't working she was sleeping which left Kaneki with very little help. He learnt the woman that came like clockwork was actually his mother's sister but the growing packages she took every time she came remained a mystery. 

A painful ray of sunshine spread across Haise's life, it wasn't in the form he dreamed of though: no, this sunshine came in the form of a surgeons light.

Four faces flashed through his mind, he smiled recognising them as the Quinx, but rapidly their faces morphed into people he tried not to remember. The smell of fresh coffee and expensive clothing seeped through the cracks in his sanity.


	5. Rebirth

Claws of darkness sunk into the creases and cracks of the young boys fragile mind, they pried open his sanity and lay within, dormant but alive. 

Kaneki's days had become a constant split between pain and delusional happiness, Hide was the sun, he was the moon and his mother was the dark space in between stopping them from ever being truly connected. His routine was always the same, school, home, school, home: he moved through the pattern delicately, avoiding mistakes like they were beasts stalking him ready to strike and tear apart everything that held him together. 

Birthdays passed, every year it was the same dull celebration. Nothing would take place in the house for fear of it attracting unwanted attention but Hide would bring him a small cupcake every time, he seemed to be his only distraction. Again there was a change in his life that was as insignificant to the universe as the death of a star but was as significant to him as the stars death was to its solar system. Kaneki Ken's mother had died.

The months leading up to her death had been agonising and brutal, her pain and anguish was solely directed at him and he would never be able to rid himself of the feeling that he was the reason she had died. Every week the envelopes to her sister continued to leave, but his mother was failing to keep up. Her responsibilities were catching up to her, they were a deadly wave preparing to crash down and crush her when she ran out of strength to continue. It wasn't until the day of her death that Kaneki realised his consuming resentment towards her, he knew it when he stood over her dying heart and he could only feel relief. 

The Asaoka family had adopted him after his mother was gone, initially the worst part of this was that he could only take as many of his fathers books as would fit in his bag, their family home was bare and refined. They had only accepted him due to the sum of money that came with his mothers parting.

Claws of darkness tore into the gaping wounds of the adults shattered mind, they shredded his sanity and destroyed within, no longer dormant but instead truly alive.


	6. Masked

Blood bonds dissolved as the disease spread through him, again Kaneki Ken had a new family but again this family would latch onto him, tearing away a piece of his soul when they soon left him alone once more.

Since entering the Asaoka family's household, Kaneki had learnt the true meaning of pain. It meant letting the person you rely on destroy you piece by piece just to satisfy their own selfish needs. It was the act of losing yourself so others could thrive. That was true pain for Kaneki Ken but as usual he thought to himself "It's better to be hurt yourself than to hurt others", it rang through his mind like a haunting melody always reminding him of the agony his mother had left. 

The summers that once provided a ray of beauty and hope now remained dull and dead. Summer and winter were the same, the only sun in Kaneki's life was Hide but every day he drifted further away from him so deeply afraid to lose him to the outside world he would rather cut him from his memories altogether to avoid the pain. He used books as his masks, they shielded him and gave him illusions of what his father may have been like. Kaneki became fascinated with the world of Tatsuki Sen, the way her work resonated with his own experiences lured him in and locked him in a prison of words. 

At twelve now he was growing, morphing into a new body it should have been a chance to re-start for him but the ties of his family kept him held down, chained to the past. Escape was a dream that seemed unachievable but still he screamed and writhed in his shackles praying to leave this family. Not all the chains were locked by his aunt, some were locked by himself; he dare not hurt her in fear of the ghoulish creatures that lurked in the night ready to snatch ungrateful children. 

Blood bonds dissolved as the disease spread through him, again Haise Sasaki had lost a family, this time they had replaced a piece of his soul but still they left him alone once more.

The white sterilised walls blinded him as his eyes flicked open, looking down at himself his first sight was the wires connecting him to multiple bags of strangely coloured fluids. Tentatively Haise Sasaki raised a hand to his hair running through its dark locks gently, a few strands slipped away onto his other arm where he noticed a small tag stating his name. Instead of seeing Haise Sasaki there, it read **Kaneki Ken.**


	7. Liar

Hope was a liar. It was the perpetrator of the worst crimes against man yet they welcomed it into their lives time and time again, desperately praying that hope would be kind to them. And every time their prayers were destroyed. By eighteen Kaneki had lay in the ruins of his life hope had left more times than he cared to remember, but again it had returned. 

On his eighteenth birthday Kaneki received a twisted grin from his aunt as she burned a letter with his name on it, one she said was from his horrific father. He also received a bright orange jumper off of Hide which he wore happily while in the company of his best friend. However the best present he received was not of fabric or pain, it was of an illusion of freedom which he gladly sank into. He would be able to leave for Tokyo to go to Kamii University, the pain would finally end, he could be happy. Couldn't he? 

Kaneki had to admit that he was very inexperienced in the ways of the outside world, being confined to his own universe for the whole of his life had left him a little out of touch with the current troubles in society. He had very little knowledge about the ways of ghouls- one of the most dangerous threats in Japan and Tokyo was crawling with them. This left him at a great disadvantage but he didn't consider it, after all, who would prey on him? 

The first few months went great for Kaneki, he could blend into the background of the school, studying Literature he didn't need to socialise with any fellow classmates, he was free to keep to himself and not be ridiculed or scorned for it. Soon though, deceit would brutally tear into his back morphing him again. 

It was in the blackened streets of Tokyo where the illusion of peace fell apart. The quietness of the area was haunting, the moon had hidden its tainted light in anticipation of what was coming for the boy. Kaneki Ken was on his first date when the first shot of many that would lead to his unravelling hit, Kaneki Ken was on a date with Rize Kamishiro. She was almost ethereal, her violaceous hair enchanted him luring him into her orbit. 

She was a supernova, his beautiful destruction.

Rize rested against Kaneki, the darkness engulfing them both until he felt a sharp rip into his shoulder, the dark was stained red. 

Hope is a liar. At twenty-two Haise again lay in the ruins of his life hope had left, but this time instead of crumbling under the weight of it: he smiled staring into its eyes.


End file.
